Mittwoch, 30. September 2009

i wanna go to beautiful...


some days you just keep on walking
step by step by step
so you don't collapse
in the street
you and your luggage of
30 years on your back
that feels somewhat lighter now
without the lies
you've unpacked
and left behind
in that bedspread
with the sweat
of whispered truths
'cause i wouldn't want to fall asleep that night
since i felt like i've slept for far too long
until you came along
and reminded me:
„give that restless little head a rest
i'll be right here holding you
and your unconsciousness will know“
so i fell...
asleep safe and sound
no dreams that night
no unconscious doubts
'cause you give all the right answers
to all my weirdest questions

some days you just keep on walking
walking away
like that late morning, rather mid-day
the sky was grey
over flooded streets
and flooded hearts
another thunderstorm just passed
and inside i freaked
scared as hell of
my plane to crash
or my heart to crack
but i knew i'd have to take that flight
vacation was over
waiting was my life
i knew i'd have to leave
if i wouldn't wanna fall
i already tripped
but that i could handle
if now i'd just continue to walk

and i wouldn't turn around
'cause i didn't want to see you
not turn around
or do too
or maybe ...
i don't know what i really want

quitting my job
living from my savings
and becoming a yoga teacher
at the shores of the city
where the light is brighter
and time just flows lighter
that seems like a good idea...

but i keep on walking
there is no breaking out
no bending rules
much further than
we already did
so i bite my lip
to taste the last bit
of your kiss good-bye
and keep on walking
'cause i knew...
we knew
when we started this whole thing
that this was just a fling
i'd be leaving in a week
still this was to good to let it pass
so why not give in?

why play all strong?
'cause i'm not used to
giving in
without being
let down and
not being picked up
like you did
when you sat me down
across the kitchen table
face to face
eye to eye
'cause that night i was a mess
me too proud to give in
you not having the balls to make another move
or maybe just us not wanting the same
thoughts of a runaway-train
so afraid you'd just let me go
but you
all calm and soft
like the first day of spring
to stay
let me in on a little secret:
„don't worry“ you said
„i can handle you“


a guy of 24
says all the right things
at all the right times
stunning me
'cause for much longer than i like to admit
i've waited for someone
to not only say that
but to make me believe
that's what you make me see
and though you don't scare me
i don't wanna scare you
no matter how convinced you are
i could never do...
this would be too much
so i ain't telling you:
i've been waiting on this for all my life
'cause you have no idea
what 30 years of waiting
actually mean
you too have been through
some crazy shit
(which still makes me wonder: why??)
now, imagine 6 more years of it
and i say:
welcome to my world!

and sometimes i try
telling myself
you're just a boy
one of many
but you're one of a kind
with more talent in one single touch
than any man i've ever met
that is:
the talent of being man enough!
to handle a woman
to be willing
to care
and you were
kind enough
not to tell me
that you would or would not fall in love
you asked
why the women in your country
can't be
a little more like me...
bitchy and mind-fucked?“
you laugh that laugh i love
and make
...oh, that sound...
right before kissing me
it's killing me
and i'm in the middle of
perfect again
the two of us


i keep walking
not turning around
still looking back, though

i didn't plan on this to happen...

sure, when i met you
i saw all your beauty shining at me
but my all vacational self
which you got to know
didn't care much
you did not intimidate me
surprisingly enough
with my sleepy face, baggy jeans,
and my hair from the shore all messed up,
cursing and drinking and laughing too hard
no staging
no performing
i didn't prove anything to you
just myself
and still you would
find me
and keep me
all the things i'm usually trying to be
suddenly don't matter
which makes me think
a very tempting thought:
if i don't have to prove anything to you ---
maybe i don't have to prove anything to anyone?

and i still don't know how
you made me
let down all my guards
forget my pride
give in to you
and not feel like a fool
'cause i believe you are true
i believe in all that is you
and you are amazing
i want to tell you over and over again:

you are amazing...
you are...

and i'm not scared to tell you
and you're not scared by being told
you like the way that
i unfold
i wonder
why and again
you say
just the right thing at the right time:
„it's now or never
and we got nothing to lose“

and i'm breathing you in
and i'm drinking you up
your face in the twilight
i still consider art

while you just let me
re-write me
with all new memory
so that now i feel
i'm starting all over again
--> HERE <--
which is a lot closer to
a future
than any past

and by not turning around
i bite my lips
to treasure the last bit
of your kiss...
and i keep on walking
'cause i know
i have to catch that flight
the thunder has passed
and as the sun comes out
i begin to
see the light