Samstag, 27. Februar 2010

5:51 a.m.

what an ugly time to say good-bye...

watching him leave. to the other end of the world. i hate it. just hate it. but there is nothing i can do, but feeling blessed on the one hand, on the other holding my tears back. since this is our fate: leaving. leaving again. this time leaving for good.

so he is... the only one who has ever been man enough to take me for who i am, never being scared of me, always being able to handle me, making me feel so: at ease. like for once i'm at the right place at the right time. here and now. in his arms tonight.

no running, no hiding, neither him, nor me. which is new to me. also: we're always being willing to listen, always being able to make each other understand. even in the worst of times. him being all ears when i'm mad at him, because he would stand me up with wanting to stay home, which of course is not the reason why i'm freaking, so i tell him what's underneath, 'cause he wants to know, although he knows: my truth is never pretty. so i tell him... everything. and he listens, understands, explains himself, even apologizes. when he could just leave or get mad, giving a shit, since he doesn't owe me a thing.

yet he stays. catching me. holding me. again. like he's always done.

he might not be saying much, but always the right thing at the right time somehow, with a voice that could calm down the stormiest seas and the wildest stallions: my most furious heart... the one who is to me what the little prince is to the fox... still i felt like that stupid, childish rose at times, so proud, so scared, with her little thorns to scare off the tigers, that do not exist, and him... taking his time to care. watch. listen. hold.

i've never seen as much patience in one man in all my life. the patience of an angel. the beauty as well.

and all that tenderness...

our first kiss after 5 months... leaving me breathless, making my stomach flip in the most beautiful, most intense way, me tingling all over.

when 5 months are more than time enough to get over a 2-weeks affair. but not if seeing him again just reminds you of all that you've been missing. and all that you will be missing again. like a magic mirror: not only mirroring you, but the eternal question of what really counts in your life:

time. together. more time...

5:52 a.m.

in this first minute of "forever gone" i wonder HOW: your heart keeps beating, your lungs keep breathing, this world keeps turning...

life goes on. with an ocean between yourself and all you could ever want.

so, i guess, this is it.



Mittwoch, 3. Februar 2010

hate less, fear some.

[some minor key]

i hate the face you’re painting me
with your rapidly wandering eye!
in the blink of it i grow as old as i am
and weary too, with no words left to sigh
not much poetry then to be recited
not one single song remains to be sung
you’re a poem that has lost its beauty
and i am the poetess silence-stung

yes, i could act older and react much cooler
since winter freezes the world apart
but i’ve never been too good an actress
also, i hate actors
like i hate acting parts
and i hate this hate i need to fuel
to overlook your fairest flaws
that got me once, and got me twice
and would get me again to claw

for the face i like
that you’re painting me
with your vividly wondering eye
since age means just a number here...

but you’re outnumbered.

and so am i.